Funny jokes from eastern European women
A few moments of levity at this point in our tale:
A French woman, an Austrian woman, and a Moldovan woman are sitting in a sauna together.
The French woman has bruises all along her thighs. The other two ask her where they came from. She says, “They are from my husband, last night he took me to dinner but he couldn’t even get past the second course before he had to have me. We went into the restaurant’s bathroom and he had rough sex with me right on on the counter.”
The Austrian woman has bruises around her wrists, and the other women ask her about them. She says, “They are from my husband, last night he tied me to the bed and made love to me for hours.”
The Moldovan woman had a small bruise on her upper arm, and the other women asked where it came from. She says, “Every night when we go to bed my husbands pokes me on the arm and says ‘I’ll fuck you tomorrow.’”
A Ukrainian man comes into a large amount of money through a gas pipeline deal. Women begin throwing themselves at him but he doesn’t want to choose the wrong type of wife. He chooses three girls that he gets along with best and decides to give each $50,000 to see how they will spend it as a test of their character.
The first spends it all on herself - goes to the spa, gets skin treatment, buys fancy clothes. She tells the man, “I want to be beautiful for you.”
The second buys watches and suits for the man, expensive alcohol and cigars. She tells the man, “I want you to know that I am not selfish and will always try to give back to you.”
The third invests the money, and quickly doubles the amount given her and returns the initial amount to the man. She tells him, “I want you to know I am not stupid and will not waste your wealth.”
So which woman did he choose?
The one with the biggest tits.
A Ukrainian man is driving across the border with Moldova when the customs official asks him to open his trunk. He opens it up and inside is a body cut into ten pieces wrapped in plastic wrap.
“My God!” the customs official yells, “What is going on here?”
“It’s a Russian,” the driver replies.
The customs official closes the trunk and laments, “What a tragic suicide.”